VT Mamateurs

I hope all you New England Mamateurs were able to keep cool this past weekend. After spending last Friday in a nursing bra and shorts in my twinkies kiddie pool we decided that hitting the Lake for the next few days would be a safer and less embarrassing way to keep from melting.

We had fun, we played in the sand, we (I) forgot swimmies, we made a mess on the beach with diaper innards, we made it back each day before the gargantuan pre-nap breakdown and we made new friends. We had a good time but I was dreading Monday. Hard to really dread any day when you are on maternity leave, but Monday meant that the boys would test my Mommy emotional state once again with their 5th drop off at their new school.

For the record I love everything about their new school they just, (Mr. Finn specifically), were not feeling the same love at 8:00 am when we left them there. My boys have always been very adaptable kids so I was surprised when Mr. Finn stopped cold in his tracks 20 feet from the door and start screaming , “Home Mommy, Home!” The teachers did a great job of trying to redirect his attention while I slithered away, but he caught me and his poor puppy dog eyes burned a whole in my heart. I crept away with tears in my eyes and was back 3 hours later to pick them up because,  1.) I missed them and  2.) I kept envisioning Mr. Finn standing like a statue by the door waiting for me. Of course when I got there both boys were outside playing with their new friends and had no desire to come home with me at all. Tomorrow I promised myself would be a full day.

Then comes the next morning and we start back where we were at 7:55 am the day before. I typically stick around and play with them a bit, reorganize their cubbies (for the 3rd time) and then head out, but this time I ducked out when their backs were turned. Mr. Finn must have felt the wind of my quickness and he turned around so fast that I actually yelled a bit and I saw the fear in his eyes. This time I ran…. tears in my eyes….again. I didn’t get very far before I could hear his cries and I was back in a moments flash, glued to the door staring in at my Mr. Finn and his colossal breakdown. I likely appeared crazy when the teachers noticed my face against the glass. A quick smile and mouthed words of “just go” had me whimpering away with my tail between my legs. I lasted all of 10 minutes outside the school before I called to check in on him. “Finny is just fine”, they said. “In fact he is playing with a guitar as we speak”.  “He already forgot you left him here and ran away!” Okay they didn’t say that last part but I sure felt like that was what I did. I deserted them and they were sad. I kept wondering if I had reminded them that Finny likes to have his “doll doll” when he is crying or that John Lennon’s, “beautiful boy” lyrics will do the trick.

By day 4 I realized that they were getting adjusted. William was already running away from me. Finny was in the groove of playing with the guitars first thing. This day I walked away and well no one noticed and I still cried.

Needless to say I was anxious about the beginning of this week. To my surprise drop off was easier and even though I still called to check in, I felt more relieved than before. They are doing great I have been told. I keep reminding myself that. I remind them that this is their new school and they will be learning and experimenting with all things fun and exciting. The holy moly they will someday very very very soon be in Kindergarten now that they are in preschool has hit me. Sorry a run on but you get it.

So why am I having such a hard time with this change. I mean it could be that I have a 12 week old and I am about to head back to work, or that there are 3 kids under the age of 2 ruling my house or that I just can’t juggle all the things I want to but really don’t need to. The boys were home for the first year and a half and maybe just maybe I am having a wee bit of early empty nest syndrome?

Truth be told, I really don’t know who is having a harder time with the adjustment. My twinkies are getting older and I am getting crazier. The snuggles and late night cries for Mommy aren’t as regular anymore. Most people would say “Amen”, but I miss it. Bottom line my boys are now legit toddlers with full sentences, likes and dislikes, special interests and messy tendencies. They have become authentic little people and they are growing way too fast.

So my advice to fellow Mamateurs of the under age 2 crowd is to really really really savor these early years. Soon your little ones will break away from you, albeit maybe for only 7.5 hours a day, and it will be, “cry in your coffee” hard. I am learning not to stress over the little things, to play in the mud and to let them stay up a little after their bedtime if they want another story. It is worth it ,even if they run away from you and don’t look back anymore

-B