When the boys were first-born I remember eagerly awaiting each Pediatrician visit to get the nod of approval on their growth and appearance. The first several weeks of appointments consumed me so much that I actually bought a baby scale and salivated over the lactation consultant(s) legit weighing station. Even half an ounce was a “winning” moment for me. The comments came in droves. “Wow they are so tiny”, “Geez, they are so fragile looking”. The worst was that the statements often came from family. Those who were oblivious to how much it stung to hear those words after spending the entire day in bed having a marathon breastfeeding party.
I worried my boys weren’t getting enough from me and Finn had horrible reflux. They weren’t even on any WHO or CDC chart for the first few months and to me that meant I had below average growing children. Finally I succumbed to the idea that supplementing was just what my boys needed. I wasn’t producing enough milk for two babies, despite what some breastfeeding guru may say and I was so stressed over trying to nurse then pump that I was a walking zombie. Just go back to my Oscar moment in the shower.
I lasted just shy of 4 months on the boob train and then I threw in the towel and strictly stuck with formula. Did I feel like I failed, maybe a little, but they started to thrive, grow and gain weight. My paranoia over the chart critics was starting to lessen. The boob bullies are a whole other blog topic but I did what worked for us. Afterall they are my children, right? Dr. Sears can bite me. I became less critical of myself and more comfortable with being a mommy to twins.
As parents we love to hear that our children are thriving and growing along the same curve as their peers, but when that curve seems to spike or dip the alarm that takes over can be very stressful. I was talking with some girlfriends over the weekend and it seemed to be a very common worry, “oh I was told my kid was too big”, “my mini me is too small”, ” my son is tall for his age”, “my son is short for his age”, on and on. I have caught myself sprouting off my boys percentiles as well. It is almost a right of passage in the parental world. You are looking for acknowledgement of your concern but also hoping someone can totally relate with their own worry.
We sure don’t analyze adults like we do our children. I have always felt that we spend our entire lives trying to be in good shape and healthy but when it comes to our offspring the plump little baby is the picture of perfect health.
By having twins I see first hand how different two little people can be. I don’t compare them so why should other people? They just so happened to share a womb, DNA and the same parents, but they are their own little people in their own little body. They are happy and loved. They are 100% on our chart of awesomeness.
As I anxiously await the arrival of our little girl, I don’t wonder how much she is going to weigh or if she will have my skinny legs or her father’s thighs. I want her to be healthy and feel loved. I want her two older brothers to know she is as perfect as they are despite what some outdated, fun with numbers calculation may say.
We are really curious as to how others have handled the comments or fears of the percentages. I feel like I often have a comeback for everything thrown at me, but I have simmered and often just nod these days. Nothing is gained by telling someone how ridiculous they sound especially when they will very likely be on the other end at some point.
What drove you over the edge? How did you handle the stress?
Happy Spring Mamateurs!
-B
mamateurs
Great blog entry!! Gwen’s head was always in the 97th percentile and Leo’s is right up there too. My mom said to me once “I’m surprised her head size doesn’t bother you”. It was horrifying. Yes, my daughter has a gigantic head, but she is beautiful, healthy, happy….etc. Why would it bother me and why stress about it. There’s nothing I can do. Luckily she’s growing into it
I typically ignore the percentile charts as it seems that everyone I know either has a child not on the charts yet or way off the charts.
I wonder where they even come up with these numbers! I’m looking forward to raising two strong and healthy daughters who realize they’re more than a number (in lots of ways). 
Brooke- how old are your boys and when are you expecting your little one?
Thank you soo much for writing about this! Braeden has always been ‘small.’ I was a small kid and my husband is very tall and skinny. Each visit I feared what the Doctor wa going to say- Braeden wasn’t even on the charts most o the time and if he did make it he would be smaller then 1% of his peers. That being said, Brae has never been sik. No ear infections, no reflux, even a cold was nothing to him… So when the doctors started to get anxious about his weight and wanted to start doing all sorts of tests and sending him to a specialist, I followed my mommy intuition and said no! Braeden is now 5 and while still small, he is still one of the healthiest kids I have ever seen! I used to dread each Doctor appt, I felt like they were judging me. I am so glad I didn’t put my son through all the tests…
When my son was first born and had trouble latching on, he lost a bit more than 10% of his body weight so the doctors made us supplement with formula until the milk came in. Looking back I think the supplementation was probably totally unnecessary, and the pressure and stress didn’t help make breastfeeding any easier! Once we got home from the hospital he started gaining weight normally and he’s been 90-95th percentile ever since. (Of course, now I’m sensitive that people seem to think he’s fat! He’s perfect! Mind your own business! As long as he’s healthy I don’t care – but it has taken me a while to get there.)
Courtney, William has always been above the 90th in head as well! When I asked the Ped if that was a cause for concern her response was to look at Andy and I and tell us that we both have large heads! Haha definitely a family trait on both sides, even though there may be some denial:) It means we are smart!
It is nice to hear other ladies have been in the same boat when it comes to the dreaded percentiles. Thanks for sharing ladies.
Kristy the twins will be two on April 27th and I am due with the Little Miss on the 28th!!! How old are your gals?
Getting close!!
My girls are 19 months and 5 weeks…:)
Great topic. We never had much use for the charts, except to wonder what a child in the “average” areas might look like. Both of my girls were on the charts at birth and then proceeded to rocket right off. My older daughter is still on the high end (90th) for everything and is proportionate. Now, my younger daughter… She is completely proportionate but has been on the charts only twice – at birth and then one time her head sized dipped down to 95th percent. Otherwise she has been so far off the charts that at 33 months old she fits better sizewise with 4 and 5 year olds than her peers. She is constantly mistaken for a much older child, too. You know the trick to double their size at two and that predicts her adult height? There was a medical student at the pediatrician that day and he measured her TWICE because he didn’t believe it! Her predicted height is around 6’4″.
she got the double whammy of height from both sides. My goal is to raise a couple of healthy, happy girls who aren’t concerned by their height, growth charts and normal be damned! But I think it’s fair to say I’ll be the shortest member of my family!
Loved this! and can’t wait for the “Boob Bully” post! I have lots of comments saved up for that one!
Hi Rachael! Post on that to come soon! Just got another request for it….it’s long overdue!
It’s true. We do hear so many comments about the size of our children. My older daughter was 5 weeks earlier and barely 5 lbs. Since then she’s always been on the low (single digits) end of the chart. I don’t care that she’s petite…heck on a good day I’m 5’1″ so it’s not surprise that she is. What I don’t care for, and you hit it on the nose, is the comments, “Gosh she so small” “What a tiny one you have.” She may look tiny but she’s got a huge personality and that’s all that matters to us! Size doesn’t matter, big or small, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.
Your post had me laughing for sure. It’s so true… We are all percentile paranoid. Sydney was always 90th+ until she started crawling, then walking (which were late- another paranoia) and she shed a few lbs. Somewhere around 12 months we were at the pediatrician and she managed to not gain any weight (thank god!) because she was finally moving and burning some off. She still had several creases up her arms and legs (I call them crumb catchers) no where near skinny and I got the fifth degree for it. Apparently no weight gain = malnutrition? I said “look at her people!”. She was obese– this is a good thing! I guess it’s good that red flags go up, but let’s use some common sense.